THE COEXISTENCE SCALES

These scales depict types of behaviour with extreme variants at opposing ends and are designed to encourage conversation. Click a topic to see the scale and associated questions.

The Sociality Scale

How do you (or your partner) rate your attitudes when it comes to your sociability?

  1. If you read the morning paper, do you think of it as a solitary activity or an occasion for conversation and observations about the world?

  2. Have you ever, like Beau Brummel, accepted an invitation on condition that your host promises not to tell anyone you have done so?

  3. What is your view of Sir Alex Ferguson’s comment, ‘Kenny Dalglish has associates, but only a few friends. There’s nothing wrong with that because, at the end of the day, you only need six people to carry your coffin’?

  4. Do you often need to lie down after visiting/being visited?

  5. If someone can’t say something nice, would you, like Roseanne Barr, probably like them?

  6. What’s the largest number of times you’ve changed your outfit in a night?

  7. Do you hide when the doorbell rings? Or the telephone?

  8. Do you prepare notes of things to talk about?

  9. Have you ever stayed too long at the fair?

  10. Do you believe that laughing for no reason, as the Russian proverb has it, makes you a fool?


The Ego Scale

How do you (or your partner) rate your attitudes when it comes to your ego?

  1. Would you, like Herbert Lom, be tempted to choose as one of your records for Desert Island Discs an eight-minute standing ovation for yourself? Or, like Otto Preminger, your autobiography as your book?
  2. Given how averse most people are to confrontation, do you think it makes sense to be as temperamental as possible?
  3. When you have people round, would you consider entertaining them by reading out extracts from your long and ever-changing will?
  4. Do you, like Napoleon in Woody Allen’s Love and Death, have a ‘great walk’?
  5. Have you ever responded, ‘Fine’, when someone’s asked you to do something, when ‘fine’ is the last thing it could ever be?
  6. Have you ever sat on a piano to make your legs look long?
  7. Have you ever banned someone from being in a photograph with you because they’re not attractive enough?
  8. Do you take a selfie of yourself every night to preserve the moment?
  9. After your death is there a chance you might become a god?
  10. Like Ronnie Scott, are you never wrong except on the very rare occasions when you’ve thought you were wrong but you weren’t

The Flexibility Scale

How do you (or your partner) rate your attitudes when it comes to your flexibility?

  1. When you go to bed, do you expect everyone else to follow suit?
  2. Do you ever turn off the lights in a room without checking someone is in there first?
  3. Have you ever redecorated someone’s home without them asking?
  4. How many times a day do you say ‘I’m so busy’?
  5. Do you tend to do the easiest, most pragmatic thing – keep your mobile phone in your bra/sock, for instance – or do you like things to be just so?
  6. Do you put everything on hold while you mull an idea over?
  7. Do you like to go with the flow, see where it leads you?
  8. Do you ever signal that you want people to leave by picking up a broom and sweeping energetically, or by taking off your shoes and starting to undress for bed?
  9. Do you get anxious if your routine changes?
  10. Do you constantly make remarks about people’s clothes or lives, either out of concern, or otherwise

The Communication Scale

How do you (or your partner) rate your attitudes when it comes to your flexibility?

  1. When you go to bed, do you expect everyone else to follow suit?
  2. Do you ever turn off the lights in a room without checking someone is in there first?
  3. Have you ever redecorated someone’s home without them asking?
  4. How many times a day do you say ‘I’m so busy’?
  5. Do you tend to do the easiest, most pragmatic thing – keep your mobile phone in your bra/sock, for instance – or do you like things to be just so?
  6. Do you put everything on hold while you mull an idea over?
  7. Do you like to go with the flow, see where it leads you?
  8. Do you ever signal that you want people to leave by picking up a broom and sweeping energetically, or by taking off your shoes and starting to undress for bed?
  9. Do you get anxious if your routine changes?
  10. Do you constantly make remarks about people’s clothes or lives, either out of concern, or otherwise