THE NOT OK JOHN ARE YOU OK TEST

ANSWERS

SECTION 1: POLITICAL

If you answered mostly (a)

“You’ve got no moral compass and have the potential to be wildly successful in the world of finance or politics. Were you educated in the bloody woods, by wolves? Unchecked, your rabid appetites and violent simplicity will eat you from the inside out and probably make you wealthy. I can help you, but we will need to go back, go back and start again. We will need to find the child and feed him kindness.”

If you answered mostly (b)

“Dear Charles, I looked at your answers. Where are you? No opinions, no convictions. You approve of chopping a man’s hand off, but you DON’T KNOW if causing offence to the Queen is OK or not? Come in, we will talk. Fear and uncertainty are a poor diet indeed for the modern man.”

If you answered mostly (c)

“Be careful, darling. Behind your righteous facade lies something queasily inhumane. To err is human. Love JLL. X”

SECTION 2: SOCIAL

If you answered mostly (a)

“The world is changing. There is no room for vindictiveness. The wings of history no longer beat against the stone walls of your quiet village, friend. Come and meet the world, it is multi-coloured, loud and thrilling. The gates are open and the music is intoxicating. I will teach you to dance. Appointments start at £50 an hour.”

If you answered mostly (b)

“I was very sad to see you there, in the middle of that fight, doing nothing. Doing nothing is not enough. It is worse than being stupid, it is doing nothing. Prick the skin! Without opinions you are dead. Worse than dead, you are voiceless. What if it was your door? Your poor inebriated Papa? Wake up and smell the dog shit, you little git.”

If you mostly answered (c)

“Quite right. None of this is OK. Nothing is OK. The world is an infinite catalogue of ignorance and hatred. I loved our picnic in Rye. Cheerio. JLL X”

SECTION 3: SEXUAL

If you answered mostly (a)

“It’s a trick, you see, dear Edwin. They are all OK. Unlike my colleagues at the clinic, and our transatlantic brethren, I do not fixate on the sexual life. Subconsciously this, subconsciously that. Bonk and let bonk I say.”

If you mostly answered (b)

“Did I ever tell you the story of my aunt Myffannwy and the seagull doctor? He would visit once a month and they would disappear to the bedroom and giggle. Giggle, bump, giggle. I didn’t know whether it was OK. I asked my aunt and she said “Oh John, if there is kindness and laughter it is OK.”

If you mostly answered (c)

“That’s not OK, and you know it. JLL X”