HOW ANGRY ARE YOU?

BY PATRICIA DUNCKER

All the domestic and professional incidents or scenarios described in this questionnaire are authentic.

1. Your TV satellite box has broken down repeatedly. You ring the service support line. They suggest that you
go through the entire self-help repair procedure yet again. This method has not worked on three previous
occasions. Do you:

a) swear violently at the support engineer and threaten her / him?
b) tell your wife / husband / partner / significant other to come downstairs and deal with it?
c) slam down the phone, rip the box free of its leads and hurl it out of your living room window?

2. Your neighbour’s gigantic evergreen hedge is darkening your house and garden. He refuses to cut it back.
Do you:

a) invite him round, point out your lack of light and offer to pay half the costs of lowering the hedge?
b) hack it down yourself at dead of night and pile the cuttings up against his front door?
c) set fire to his entire garden?

3. You are a careful driver. You come to a halt in a line of traffic. The driver behind fails to stop and runs into the back of your car, causing substantial damage. Do you:

a) call the police and ask for the other driver’s insurance details?
b) burst into tears and splutter out the fact that it is your partner’s car, and that she or he will never forgive you?
c) stab the other driver?

4. You sense that you are being edged out at work. Your colleagues fall silent when you approach them, 
or deliberately change the subject of their discussions. Do you:

a) ask your union for advice and seek a meeting with senior management?
b) hack into their e-mails, discover the truth, confirm your suspicions and then send them anonymous death threats?
c) hire the frighteners, and send them round to your colleagues’ home addresses? 

5. You come home unexpectedly and find your life partner in bed with someone you don’t know who is (i) of the same sex as your partner (ii) of a different sex to you, or (iii) clearly well over twenty years younger than you and your partner. Do you:

a) close the door quietly and slip out of the house?
b) begin screaming and refuse to stop?
c) strip off all your clothes, leap into bed and insist on having violent sex with both of them?

6. Your dangerous neighbour has strangled your cat, nailed its body spread-eagled to your door and left you a message warning you to keep your animals off his land. Do you:

a) call the police and report the incident?
b) kill his cat with a well-placed poisoned rat?
c) hunt him down with a gun?